Relationships are so complex: they can be most wonderful or can cause so much emotional pain. Sometimes we even equate our pain to true love and measure the level of our love by the intensity of our pain.
What is loving too much? While there is no one-size-fits-all description, generally loving too much involves consistently abandoning our own needs and identity to accommodate another person’s wants and needs.
How do I know? Here are 7 signs to get you thinking whether you might be in a relationship where you love too much:
- You place the needs of the other ahead of yours and get very little back.
- You often resent the other person for “making you” give up who you are.
- Your sense of purpose and self-appreciation is to constantly make sacrifices to gratify the need of someone else.
- You are unhappy in the relationship, and yet feel guilty when you focus on yourself.
- You take responsibility to “save” the other person at any cost.
- You disregard maltreatment/abuse, telling yourself that love conquers all and the pain of being dismissed and mistreated should not affect you.
- You try to change your partner and tell yourself that if you can find the right way to help your partner, he/she will love you for being so caring and helpful.
So, now what?
While there are no easy fixes to change a relationship where you love too much, when we reconnect with ourselves and add a healthy measure of focusing on our own needs, we own the direction in which we want the relationship to go.
Some tips that can help:
- Talk it Over. Speak to your partner and collaboratively set relationship goals.
- Reconnect with family and friends and allow them to be a source of support.
- Have fun. Develop hobbies of your own.
- Get in Touch. Use journaling to get in touch with your feelings, wants and needs.
If it feels too hard to even try or if you tried the above and see no change, reach out for professional help. Your life is worth it!
Changing your relationship style to a more balanced one, empowers you to love yourself and others in a rewarding way, giving you the opportunity to live life to the fullest.